The torments of a guilty conscience

Daena is thine, Ahura Mazda. It is thy divine voice that whispers and speaks to me through my conscience. It is the guardian and watchman of my morals and thy moral law is engraved on its tablet. It is thy vicegerent in me that approves and attests, commends and condemns, warns and, guides, censures and reproaches me all throughout my wakeful hours.

Infallible and incorruptible judge is Daena and daily have I to stand before its tribunal. Incontrovertible are its findings. My rights and wrongs are mirrored in my conscience. With guilt on my conscience, my face reflects vividly the inward conflict and my eyes reveal the inner torment. The awkward sense of self-condemnation makes me feel odious in eyes. Great is the discord and great is the divergence between the demand of my conscience and the life I lead.

I am at peace with the world, but not at peace with my conscience, for a fierce struggle goes on in the depths of my soul. My inner world is torn by the conflict. Beneath my calm exterior, the tempest is raging within. My conscience reproaches and persecutes me and does not leave me at rest. The torments and tortures of my conscience are not less painful than the sufferings of the wicked souls in hell as described by Viraf. Blackened with guilt and sin, my conscience makes my heart as ugly and dark as hell.

I can silence my mouth. I cannot silence my conscience. It defies my attempts to subdue and stifle the still voice in which it speaks. I cannot break away from its condemnation of my conduct. In vain do I struggle to flee from it. It chases me and I cannot escape. I bolt and barricade the door of my inner chamber and I assure myself that there is none therein beside myself. But the eternal sentinel, I discover, stands at the gate, ever watchful of his duty.

In turning away from my conscience, I exile myself from thee; Ahura Mazda. Bitter is the consciousness of my alienation from thee. I cannot bear the pain of my separation from thee. Leave me not alone, for then I am lost. With penitent heart, I seek thy forgiveness, O thou great Forgiver. Take me back into thy fold. Enable me to hear the gentle voice that steals on my ears. Inspire me to live my life loyally and faithfully according to the wise counsels of my conscience and win its approbation of my conduct. Make my conscience stainless and clear as the mid-day light, Ahura Mazda.

This page was last updated on Friday, February 11, 2005.